Giving up on yourself.

I wrote this a while ago. Tell me how you feel about it… Circa 2015

“I always find a way to hurt myself. I call it self destruction. The hurt I cause myself is Bc I put myself in these situations. I dnt know everything. I dnt want to know everything. I cnt know everything. But when it comes to how I feel, I thought I at least understood that. Can u hate yourself and the choices u make? It seems that everybody see this "wrong" I'm doing but me. Is there a cure for loneliness? You know how some people hurt themselves physically; cutting or self inflicted pain; well I feel I hurt myself in other ways. Self destruction. I give and then there's nothing else after that. I hope n pray that every new change is different but then every time it never is. From France or anywhere else in the world, the accent may change but the bulshit doesn't.

I thought I was bi polar. Ummmm boy do I keep meeting my match time n time again. I just can't win. So much has really crossed my mind that‘s negative. The only person I think would really be sad if I go off would be my bestie. Sometimes I think I need depression pills because I feel so sad. Can a pill really fix my problems though. Drugs haven't fixed my problems before. Sleeping it off sometimes help but you still wake up to the same problem. What goes around come around …..well I broke my heart and I hurt my feelings so let me wait for it to go away…

Men hate their dad or say their dad was this way n that and dnt want to be them but then they grow up to be their duplicate. Smfh.

Is this a welcome to the real world wake up or a snap out of it and put on ur big panties moment. I cnt tell the difference. I say I'm tired of trying yet I still try. Note to self. Give up. Give up. Stop and get urself together. Point blank period.“

does anyone else make self notes…

I have to write to myself notes about the shit I go through because it’s hard for me to believe I’m still here sometimes. As many times as I have fallen and bumped my head … I still seem to get up.

I’ve been asked, “where do you get your inspiration from? How do you keep going once you’re down? Praying?

No. no. No. No.

I get it from failure sadly. Failure has caused me more heartache than you’d be willing to recognize. I hate how people glorify the BS! None of this is fun. Failure is not shinny and nice. It hurts. And it hits you like a ton of bricks the one day you decided to sit down and enjoy the sun.

I am and will always be all I need

i am and will always be powerful

I am and will always be in control

I call all my energy back to me

I call all my energy that has been misused or misrepresented back to me. I am everything I need now, later, and always because I possess all the energy I need. Asé